That I am too overwhelmed...
That I feel lost...
That there are so many issues I never dealt with...
That I can't do this on my own anymore.
I am choosing to get help because, more than anything, I just want to be happy.
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Conceding Defeat:
This is me saying that I am having some serious trouble transitioning...
That I am too overwhelmed...
That I feel lost...
That there are so many issues I never dealt with...
That I can't do this on my own anymore.
{Image credit.}
I am choosing to get help because, more than anything, I just want to be happy.
That I am too overwhelmed...
That I feel lost...
That there are so many issues I never dealt with...
That I can't do this on my own anymore.
I am choosing to get help because, more than anything, I just want to be happy.
Extracurricular Activities:
Remember how I said that I have been doing a whole mess of soul-searching since my return to Atlanta? Here is a little of what I've discovered about myself...
I lost touch of my creative side the past few months, especially during my time in the islands. I desperately want to get that back.
I have also come to a wonderful realization: I can be interesting through the things that I do rather than the place that I live. I don't have to be a nomad... I can fully embrace this great city, surround myself with things and people that inspire me, and occupy my time with new hobbies that excite me.
{Image credit.}
All of this being said, I have an entire list of things I would like to pick up once again or start up for the first time. Of course employment and housing have to precede all of these, but I am incredibly excited nonetheless. I cannot wait to share some of these fun things with all of you!
(Wait a minute... Was that just me committing to sticking around the blogging world for a little while longer? Hmm... I do believe it was! You ladies were so supportive about my questionable return that I just cannot bring myself to abandon this thing just yet. Thank you all so very much for making me feel loved!)
I lost touch of my creative side the past few months, especially during my time in the islands. I desperately want to get that back.
I have also come to a wonderful realization: I can be interesting through the things that I do rather than the place that I live. I don't have to be a nomad... I can fully embrace this great city, surround myself with things and people that inspire me, and occupy my time with new hobbies that excite me.
All of this being said, I have an entire list of things I would like to pick up once again or start up for the first time. Of course employment and housing have to precede all of these, but I am incredibly excited nonetheless. I cannot wait to share some of these fun things with all of you!
(Wait a minute... Was that just me committing to sticking around the blogging world for a little while longer? Hmm... I do believe it was! You ladies were so supportive about my questionable return that I just cannot bring myself to abandon this thing just yet. Thank you all so very much for making me feel loved!)
Post Grad Disappointment:
Oh my. Megan over at Pink O'Clock just shared this little gem...
Although I enjoy the occasional episode of Gilmore Girls, I find Alexis Bledel to be the most horrid actress that has ever been graced with her own television show, awful soap operas aside. Maybe it really is just Rory's uptight and stiff attitude after all or perhaps I am able to overlook her flaws because of the ever so pertinent subject matter, because I want to see this. Badly. Right this instant.
I am so upset that I am going to miss this given that current films do not make their way down to St. Croix until they are, well, no longer current. Very frustrating, indeed. Oh wait, I am going to be living on a gorgeous island. Nevermind, that frustration has since disappeared. Back to happy thoughts!
Although I enjoy the occasional episode of Gilmore Girls, I find Alexis Bledel to be the most horrid actress that has ever been graced with her own television show, awful soap operas aside. Maybe it really is just Rory's uptight and stiff attitude after all or perhaps I am able to overlook her flaws because of the ever so pertinent subject matter, because I want to see this. Badly. Right this instant.
I am so upset that I am going to miss this given that current films do not make their way down to St. Croix until they are, well, no longer current. Very frustrating, indeed. Oh wait, I am going to be living on a gorgeous island. Nevermind, that frustration has since disappeared. Back to happy thoughts!
Mental Health Update:
I have some swell news to report: My battle with the QLC has been waning as of late.
I am not foolish enough to claim to have completely overcome it, because I realize that this is one of those things that will come in waves as things change and progress in my young years, but I cannot express in words how great it feels to be able to breath calmly again. All of this being said, I realized today that I should seize this opportunity of an improved mental state in order to do some more positive and/or productive self-discovery.
{Image credit.}
I've decided to look inward to evaluate my short-comings and things that I would like to work on about myself. On the flip side of this, I am also going to take special care to congratulate myself on how far I have come thus far towards becoming the person that I would like to be.
So out with the self-loathing and self-pity and in with the self improvement! (It never really looked good on me anyways.)
I am not foolish enough to claim to have completely overcome it, because I realize that this is one of those things that will come in waves as things change and progress in my young years, but I cannot express in words how great it feels to be able to breath calmly again. All of this being said, I realized today that I should seize this opportunity of an improved mental state in order to do some more positive and/or productive self-discovery.
I've decided to look inward to evaluate my short-comings and things that I would like to work on about myself. On the flip side of this, I am also going to take special care to congratulate myself on how far I have come thus far towards becoming the person that I would like to be.
So out with the self-loathing and self-pity and in with the self improvement! (It never really looked good on me anyways.)
Strikes Again:
Remember that sweet thing that I am currently experiencing that I fondly refer to as "the QLC"? Yeah, it rages on. And yeah, I am totally going to continue to subject you lovely readers to my ramblings and glorified self-pity. My sincerest apologies.
I discovered a new facet to the QLC this weekend... This one being the wonderful "Boredom with social interactions" bullet point.
Small talk has become a mundane and redundant activity to be avoided at all costs as of late. It is always the same thing: "Where do you live/work/go to school?", then it is time for the name drop game, next you scramble to assess which topic would provide you with some sort of common ground with which you may delve more deeply into... But not too deeply, of course.
It is all so incredibly exhausting to me suddenly.
I don't feel like explaining why I am moving to St. Croix, or why I don't talk to my parents, or my entire life-story to new people over and over again, and I most certainly find it increasingly difficult to see any value in finding out these things about others as well. As far as actual friends go, I feel like we hash and re-hash the same topics because nothing ever really changes and no problem ever really gets solved.
"The more things change, the more they stay the same", right?
This is a complete departure from my previous extroverted and "social butterfly" tendencies that have been prevalent throughout my entire life. It's disheartening. It's disillusioning. It decidedly sucks.
I discovered a new facet to the QLC this weekend... This one being the wonderful "Boredom with social interactions" bullet point.
Small talk has become a mundane and redundant activity to be avoided at all costs as of late. It is always the same thing: "Where do you live/work/go to school?", then it is time for the name drop game, next you scramble to assess which topic would provide you with some sort of common ground with which you may delve more deeply into... But not too deeply, of course.
It is all so incredibly exhausting to me suddenly.
I don't feel like explaining why I am moving to St. Croix, or why I don't talk to my parents, or my entire life-story to new people over and over again, and I most certainly find it increasingly difficult to see any value in finding out these things about others as well. As far as actual friends go, I feel like we hash and re-hash the same topics because nothing ever really changes and no problem ever really gets solved.
"The more things change, the more they stay the same", right?
This is a complete departure from my previous extroverted and "social butterfly" tendencies that have been prevalent throughout my entire life. It's disheartening. It's disillusioning. It decidedly sucks.
Knowledge is Power:
Apparently everyone around me knew, but I have been completely clueless. You readers were probably even beginning to recognize it! I had an inkling that something has been... off... recently, yet was in denial or something. Then I read this.
It is official. I am quarter-life crisis-ing. Ugh.
Every bullet point on that Wikipedia entry hit me like a tons of bricks aside from the "desire to have children". But honestly I have been pushing that concept completely away as of late, which I suppose lends itself to being the same complex.
The realization spiraled me into a quickie panic attack initially, but now I am beginning to feel calmed by the notion that this is a normal progression and all of these feelings can be rationally explained. It is like when you realize that you're only being moody and eating so much chocolate because you're PMS-ing... It becomes easier to keep it all in check.
This begs the question: So now what? Do I sit here and twiddle my thumbs in hopes of this passing quickly? Do I submit to these emotions and insecurities and completely destroy my sanity in the process? Where is the happy medium between the two? I suppose that, like drug addiction, knowing you have a problem is half of the battle. In that case, it must be all downhill from here! Let's hope...
It is official. I am quarter-life crisis-ing. Ugh.
Every bullet point on that Wikipedia entry hit me like a tons of bricks aside from the "desire to have children". But honestly I have been pushing that concept completely away as of late, which I suppose lends itself to being the same complex.
The realization spiraled me into a quickie panic attack initially, but now I am beginning to feel calmed by the notion that this is a normal progression and all of these feelings can be rationally explained. It is like when you realize that you're only being moody and eating so much chocolate because you're PMS-ing... It becomes easier to keep it all in check.
This begs the question: So now what? Do I sit here and twiddle my thumbs in hopes of this passing quickly? Do I submit to these emotions and insecurities and completely destroy my sanity in the process? Where is the happy medium between the two? I suppose that, like drug addiction, knowing you have a problem is half of the battle. In that case, it must be all downhill from here! Let's hope...
Sir Lancelot:
Some big financial news for me: I was able to use my graduation money to completely pay off my car! My little Mitsubishi Lancer (fondly named "Sir Lancelot") has carried me to St. Louis, Richmond, Savannah, Mobile, and even trekked through the snow storm we had this past winter like a true soldier.
I couldn't find a picture of him, but here is one of me on my way back from Springfield, Illinois a few years ago...
It is going to be great not having a car payment while I am away in the islands, yet still have a mode of transportation waiting for my return. Definitely a great feeling to have.
I couldn't find a picture of him, but here is one of me on my way back from Springfield, Illinois a few years ago...
It is going to be great not having a car payment while I am away in the islands, yet still have a mode of transportation waiting for my return. Definitely a great feeling to have.
Too Young:
One of the sweetest, prettiest, and most bubbly girls that I have ever met passed away in the early morning hours yesterday. We'll never know the details of her final hours, but her bright smile and kind words will never be forgotten...
Kerri Gilligan, you were loved by so many and will be missed by even more... you were just that special of a girl.
Kerri Gilligan, you were loved by so many and will be missed by even more... you were just that special of a girl.
Woes:
I had an absolutely wonderful extra-long weekend up in the foothills of West Virginia on my best friend Kayla's horse farm. So good, in fact, that returning to my desk on this Tuesday morning has put me in the worst of funks...
Blogging to resume as soon as my spirits lift.
Blogging to resume as soon as my spirits lift.
Quarter Life:
I have the innate ability to turn most anything into a full-on existential crisis. It is a problem, for sure. I am much happier when I float through life enjoying the small things and never taking a deep, introspective look at my life, but I can't allow myself to be a sheep. I am constantly looking to make the most out of this time I have... To get the biggest bang for my buck.
When I look back upon my life at 60, what do I want it to look like? I believe that I have complete control (for the most part) over what I do with my life. I can paint any picture that I want... So what do I absolutely need in that picture?
This is what I have come up with thus far: I need copious amounts of adventure.
I need to experience anything and everything that I possibly can. I crave it. Having graduated, I truly feel like the world is my oyster (aside from the shiteous economy that I am having to cope with). I've viewed college as a transitional time, and I have always felt as if I was waiting for life to really start. For the first time, I am no longer tied to any one place... I can come and go as I please and find a place that I am truly happy living in.
All this being said, I have serious trouble picturing a life full of adventure and intrigue that doesn't include a single status. That is my hang up. If it weren't for this glaring conundrum I would have no qualms about marriage. But the truth is: I do. I can't escape the feeling that marriage directly equates to a boring hum-drum life, which is something that I want no part in.
I know that right now married people of the world are scowling at their computer screens and snarling at my complete overgeneralizations about married life, but I can't help but have this perception with shows like 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' completely affirming this notion. As far as I am concerned, those shows represent everything that I detest. Both couples always seem to be at odds with each other and rarely represent a united front. It doesn't even seem like they are in love. (Especially now that news has broken of an alleged affair. Absolutely repulsive.)
I have faith that in a couple of years I will be able to appreciate the pros and begin to overlook the cons, but for right now, I couldn't imagine my life being nearly as fulfilling if I were a duo.
Disclaimer: None of this takes away from the fact that I totally love my boyfriend... I am just not ready to make any sort of lifetime commitment to anything at this point in my life. I think everyone can appreciate this sentiment of a recent college grad...
When I look back upon my life at 60, what do I want it to look like? I believe that I have complete control (for the most part) over what I do with my life. I can paint any picture that I want... So what do I absolutely need in that picture?
This is what I have come up with thus far: I need copious amounts of adventure.
I need to experience anything and everything that I possibly can. I crave it. Having graduated, I truly feel like the world is my oyster (aside from the shiteous economy that I am having to cope with). I've viewed college as a transitional time, and I have always felt as if I was waiting for life to really start. For the first time, I am no longer tied to any one place... I can come and go as I please and find a place that I am truly happy living in.
"I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define."
-The Format
All this being said, I have serious trouble picturing a life full of adventure and intrigue that doesn't include a single status. That is my hang up. If it weren't for this glaring conundrum I would have no qualms about marriage. But the truth is: I do. I can't escape the feeling that marriage directly equates to a boring hum-drum life, which is something that I want no part in.
I know that right now married people of the world are scowling at their computer screens and snarling at my complete overgeneralizations about married life, but I can't help but have this perception with shows like 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' completely affirming this notion. As far as I am concerned, those shows represent everything that I detest. Both couples always seem to be at odds with each other and rarely represent a united front. It doesn't even seem like they are in love. (Especially now that news has broken of an alleged affair. Absolutely repulsive.)
I have faith that in a couple of years I will be able to appreciate the pros and begin to overlook the cons, but for right now, I couldn't imagine my life being nearly as fulfilling if I were a duo.
Disclaimer: None of this takes away from the fact that I totally love my boyfriend... I am just not ready to make any sort of lifetime commitment to anything at this point in my life. I think everyone can appreciate this sentiment of a recent college grad...
Busy Bee:
I am overwhelmed. Actually, that is an understatement. I am barely able to hang on to my sanity at this point.
Work is crazy and I can't seem to get ahead. The school work keeps piling up. Poor Lily barely gets walked anymore. My apartment is a mess. I am a mess.
I understand that this is only a temporary state that will be vastly improved the moment I graduate in 7 short weeks. Unfortunately certain individuals can't comprehend what I mean when I say: I am spread too thin right now to hang out and make lots of time for you.
It seems like suddenly a few people from my past have all simultaneously come to realize that they miss me (which is understandable since, ya know, I'm awesome) and want to consume my free time. I have told these people constantly that I am just too busy to rekindle our long lost friendships at the moment, yet they continue to make plans for me. I cannot tell you how many messages I have received saying things like "I am going to come see you this weekend!" or "Will you come see me at work tonight?" No. No, I won't. I told you the last 5 times that we spoke how overwhelmed I am, so what makes you think that suddenly I have the time to entertain you when you come in town or even make trips out to see you?
I have gotten to the point where I am just being blunt with these people. Okay, borderline rude... but it's rude of them to think that they can obligate me to spend time that I don't have with them, right? Please tell me I'm not a completely awful person here...
Work is crazy and I can't seem to get ahead. The school work keeps piling up. Poor Lily barely gets walked anymore. My apartment is a mess. I am a mess.
I understand that this is only a temporary state that will be vastly improved the moment I graduate in 7 short weeks. Unfortunately certain individuals can't comprehend what I mean when I say: I am spread too thin right now to hang out and make lots of time for you.
It seems like suddenly a few people from my past have all simultaneously come to realize that they miss me (which is understandable since, ya know, I'm awesome) and want to consume my free time. I have told these people constantly that I am just too busy to rekindle our long lost friendships at the moment, yet they continue to make plans for me. I cannot tell you how many messages I have received saying things like "I am going to come see you this weekend!" or "Will you come see me at work tonight?" No. No, I won't. I told you the last 5 times that we spoke how overwhelmed I am, so what makes you think that suddenly I have the time to entertain you when you come in town or even make trips out to see you?
I have gotten to the point where I am just being blunt with these people. Okay, borderline rude... but it's rude of them to think that they can obligate me to spend time that I don't have with them, right? Please tell me I'm not a completely awful person here...
How I Bought A Milking Goat:
I am currently taking an Introduction to Africa class to wrap up my course requirements for my major. For an extra credit assignment I went to the Step Into Africa exhibit that was in town last week... I definitely recommend going to experience this if they're coming to your town!
Anyways... afterwards, they ask you if you would like to sponsor a child in Africa that lives in an area plagued by the AIDS epidemic. Although the World Vision organization seems to do a lot of great things, they have an ulterior motive... believe in our God. It is wonderful that they are helping to feed and clothe these children and aid struggling communities, but I just cannot support an organization that advocates something I am so staunchly against.
I still felt the need to help though, so I searched the internet for something that more directly reflected my own personal beliefs. I found this in the British-based Farm Africa organization. (You can read on their website about all of their great agricultural and pastoral efforts!) To make a long story short, I ended up buying a milking goat! Yes, you can buy farm animals for small African farmers! It's just $40 to me, but a goat can mean so much more for the livelihood of a struggling family...
Plus, goats are just cute! Who wouldn't want one of these guy around!?
Anyways... afterwards, they ask you if you would like to sponsor a child in Africa that lives in an area plagued by the AIDS epidemic. Although the World Vision organization seems to do a lot of great things, they have an ulterior motive... believe in our God. It is wonderful that they are helping to feed and clothe these children and aid struggling communities, but I just cannot support an organization that advocates something I am so staunchly against.
I still felt the need to help though, so I searched the internet for something that more directly reflected my own personal beliefs. I found this in the British-based Farm Africa organization. (You can read on their website about all of their great agricultural and pastoral efforts!) To make a long story short, I ended up buying a milking goat! Yes, you can buy farm animals for small African farmers! It's just $40 to me, but a goat can mean so much more for the livelihood of a struggling family...
Plus, goats are just cute! Who wouldn't want one of these guy around!?
The Chop:
I cut all my hair off yesterday... I also dyed it. It is very purple-y in the sun, which I totally love. I hate how short it is in the back (which I told her not to do) but overall it is nice to have a change. Here's an iPhone picture:
So short!
So short!
Economy Shmashmonomy:
Granted, I have yet to begin my hardcore job search, but upon my initial glance at job listings and, ya know, all that talk on the television, I am starting to think that I may not be able to find a decent job post-graduation. Ugh.
So I could either move to Savannah and take the $10/hour job that I practically have lined up for me and also wait tables somewhere, or ask for a raise at my current job and stick around for another year in hopes that the economy will pick up. The latter also involves staying in Athens for yet another long, drawn out 365 days though. Did I mention, 'ugh'?
Unless I magically find a job, it would definitely be more responsible of me to stay here in order to save some money and ride this thing out, but the thought totally crushes my heart to be completely honest. I guess we'll have to wait and see...
(This whole thing kind of pisses me off though... Haven't we always been told to get good grades, get into a good university, get your degree, and you'll be assured a good job? I played by the rules, people! Now give me my job! Humf.)
So I could either move to Savannah and take the $10/hour job that I practically have lined up for me and also wait tables somewhere, or ask for a raise at my current job and stick around for another year in hopes that the economy will pick up. The latter also involves staying in Athens for yet another long, drawn out 365 days though. Did I mention, 'ugh'?
Unless I magically find a job, it would definitely be more responsible of me to stay here in order to save some money and ride this thing out, but the thought totally crushes my heart to be completely honest. I guess we'll have to wait and see...
(This whole thing kind of pisses me off though... Haven't we always been told to get good grades, get into a good university, get your degree, and you'll be assured a good job? I played by the rules, people! Now give me my job! Humf.)
Uh Oh:
This post on A Cup of Jo really grossed me out for some reason. Every other woman was coo-ing in the comments section and throwing around words like "adorable" and "cute"... meanwhile I was fighting the urge to schedule my tubes to be immediately tied.
What's wrong with me!?
What's wrong with me!?
So This is the New Year:
2009 is shaping up to be the best year of my life... Honestly, every year should be a little bit better than the last and that is what I have always strived to do, but there are so many great changes and adventures coming up this year that I can't help but be totally excited.
Only four months until I graduate and then at most seven months until I get the chance to move wherever I want. There are already some fun and great things developing between those events, but I'll save sharing those for when they actually transpire.
So tonight I am going to go out with my friends and have a great time... I'll let you know who ends up being my kiss at midnight!
UPDATE: Flippy was my kiss at midnight. I am glad it was a friend, because there is no one who I romantically like enough to want to have around for the upcoming year. I did, however, meet the man of my dreams shortly before the ball dropped... atheist, into hardcore music, cute, and seemingly normal... a combination that seldom occurs. He is friends with Flippy so maybe I'll run into him again. Here's hoping!
(Photo from here.)
Only four months until I graduate and then at most seven months until I get the chance to move wherever I want. There are already some fun and great things developing between those events, but I'll save sharing those for when they actually transpire.
So tonight I am going to go out with my friends and have a great time... I'll let you know who ends up being my kiss at midnight!
UPDATE: Flippy was my kiss at midnight. I am glad it was a friend, because there is no one who I romantically like enough to want to have around for the upcoming year. I did, however, meet the man of my dreams shortly before the ball dropped... atheist, into hardcore music, cute, and seemingly normal... a combination that seldom occurs. He is friends with Flippy so maybe I'll run into him again. Here's hoping!
(Photo from here.)
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